International Compliment Day – A journey into the profound
International Compliment Day - March 1st
The world is in a precarious place. As alliances form, politics heighten, and technology races, the challenge of staying connected and positive about the human race is becoming harder and harder.
Watching us catapult our already burnt-out spirits through some of the social challenges we all face, it’s easy to slip into a silo of ‘covet thy own’.
This is exactly why International Compliment Day was the perfect opportunity to get out and ‘play’.
The concept was simple.
Head to Southbank Melbourne to engage in some pro-social behaviour and simply give out compliments for a few hours. Keep a tally and experiment with how it feels. Reaching out for volunteers (and receiving three responses from some remarkable humans), we, a tiny tribe of kindness warriors, set out to achieve an oxytocin surge on the unexpected mornings of strangers.
The rules were simple.
Give people compliments.
And mean it.
That’s it.
If we are to cultivate genuine connection, there is no point in leaning into anything inauthentic; as humans, we are incredible bullsh*t detectors and a fake compliment to go from pro-social to downright offensive.
Now – I was nervous.
Research tells us that kindness, or being prosocial, is not only an essential human behavioural trait but also has a huge effect on both the person receiving the kindness and the person giving it.
Not only that, but when you are on the receiving end of a kind act, it will inspire you to be more kind to others in the following 24 hours, and on average – you will do a kindness to 5 people in that time.
And those 5 people will be inspired to do another 5 acts of kindness.. so actually – your one act of kindness ripples into the world 125 times.
Contagion of kindness
It seemed ridiculous that the simple exercise of giving someone a lovely moment should cause anxiety, but perhaps this speaks to the fact that we’ve stopped deeply sharing with each other in this precarious world.
“The smallest act of kindness is worth more than the greatest intention”
The morning was perfect. The sun was glistening, and Melbourne had put on its finest show.
We started the morning tentatively, unsure of what we’d find. ultimately - we found.. a LOT.
PEOPLE ARE GUARDED
We noticed the immediate wall of humanity we’ve all created by taking advantage of our connection compulsion. The moment we approached a lot of people, they shut down, avoided eye contact, and changed sides of the path. To one woman I said, ‘Would you like a free compliment?’ and she said, very sternly, ‘NO’.
We reasoned this is the hard edge of street sales and marketers. The realisation that we, too, put our heads down when we think someone is going to offer us hand cream and then force us to sign up for 6 months, or tell us about a ‘personality test’ and then coerce us into handing over the inner sanctions of our lives.
But this clever edge of customer-focused approaches has made us hard and wary of human contact. And like the Yin and Yang of everything, it felt a little heavy-hearted that so many people simply distrusted that humans would do something ‘nice’ without intention or reciprocity.
“Sometimes it only takes an act of kindness to change somebodies life”
HUMAN EXPERIENCE IS DEEP
On the flip side – we found a deep range of people who were desperately needing to feel connected. Not only that, but the act of being complimented compelled them to share their stories with us, so not only did we become givers, we received a richness of human experience. Tales of couples celebrating their 57 year wedding anniversary giggling to themselves because she has dementia, German tourists having an ice cream at 9am because they have to end a holiday of a lifetime, or girlfriends of 20 years off on a day hike together.
The depth of human experience and human sharing seemed so easy, comfortable, and beautifully profound. Spending a kernel of time with a stranger, exchanging kindness, and then warmly parting into the future was the most deeply moving experience—in so many ways.
KINDNESS DOES MATTER
There were a few people we dished out compliments to who really needed it. Several times, people would return to relish in our kindness, and one young lady returned to say a heartfelt thanks. She suffers from anxiety and wasn’t feeling confident, and our compliment gave her the courage to keep through the day. We knew that. We saw it as her spine straightened, and she smiled as we told her how glorious she looked in her bright, wonderful dress.
Tired new mums grew teary when we reminded them how incredible they are to create and care for new life and elderly folk lit up when a world they are often ignored in came barrelling towards them with smiles.
WE NEED THIS NOW MORE THAN EVER
The thing that stood out to all of us was this continued message of ‘Thank you – we really need this right now’. One woman held my hands and looked deeply into my eyes, saying ‘I’m so frightened by the world right now – I really needed this kindness”. Men, women, children, tourists – café watchers nearby and dog walkers all remarked on how this is exactly what the world needs RIGHT NOW.. that little kernel of kindness to remind us all that the world DOES still have innocent hope in it – and people can still be genuine with each other.
And it felt glorious. And soul lifting and that hopefulness was returned as I suddenly saw humanity not as a passing by of stressed people going about their day, but as a group of extraordinary storytellers, keepers of wisdom and wonderous experience holders.
KINDNESS WORKS FOR BOTH PARTIES
And then, something profound happened. I had to head straight home afterwards because my son was sick.. and I didn’t want to. Not that I didn’t want to return to be a mother, I love my role, but I wanted to continue to be in the human race. I wanted to continue to be amongst people and noise and hub-bub and life.
I felt hopeful.
After giving people hope of human kindness all morning, it was suddenly bursting from me. The equation works. The saying works. Human connection works.
And it was a similar experience for all of us! Lekia didn’t want to leave early and found the act of allowing genuine compliments to come to the fore invigorating. Tamara felt nervous about stepping so far out of her comfort zone – and then didn’t want to leave. Troy had such a ball he continued to give compliments all the way home!
Together, we gave away 502 compliments.
Which if you do the math – those people will, in turn, be kind to 2, 510 people
Who then, will be kind – so our grand total will be 62,750 being kind to each other in a 48 hour period.
Not bad for 4 people having a rollicking Saturday morning.
It doesn’t take much to be a kernal of kindness. And the effects really do ripple in both directions. What this fun, joyous, and unexpectedly profound experiment showed us was that we, as humans, are not lost on each other.
We just need to drop that shield and receive our free compliments.
You can do it. Because you are an incredible human.
